You Get What You Give
As a professional person and executive coach, I apply the truism, “you get what you give”, to help my clients take ownership of what is missing in their life or business that is keeping them from experiencing deep contentment right now.
I begin with my client by having them rate the Wheel of Wellbeing (see attached) which gives us both a place to start in our coaching partnership. I ask the client to rate their level of contentment in each category currently, understanding that this changes over time. Once each category is rated, I ask my client, “What is your belief about your career, your family, your significant other, service, physical body, mental clarity, emotional balance, fun & leisure, friends, spirituality, home environment, and financial security?”
What I have learned over the past twenty-two years of coaching clients into Success by their definition, is that whenever there is discontent in a life category, it is often because of what my client is not giving. For example, let’s say that my client rates the category of friendship as 50% contentment. I ask what her/his belief is about friendship and I hear, “ True friends are hard to make.” This is a very limiting and negative belief about friendship that if thought about often enough, will become a reality for my client. I work with them in transforming this negative belief into an empowering one and invite them to practice reciting the new belief until it becomes a natural thought for them.
My next question for my client is, “what are you giving in the area of friendship?” The answer I receive supports the reason they are only 50% satisfied because they are only 50% invested in creating better relationships. I ask my client, “What is ONE thing you could DO that would improve your category of friendship?” My client answers, “reach out to five different friends this week to just connect on the phone (not email or text) or meet for lunch, a walk if in the area, or other shared interest.” What happens next seems magical! My client returns the following week with great excitement about connecting with a friend or two and then commits to taking another action this week. My job as coach is to hold my client accountable for taking actions that they say would enhance their life.
I love my role as coach, being in partnership with truly courageous and honest people who are willing to take action on their ideas to create the life that they choose to enjoy now. It is clear to me that “you get what you give. You have now what you gave. You will have tomorrow depending on what you give today.”